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I can only imagine that many other folks with non-normative bodies leave Grindr for similar reasons. That space is better used for pictures of people who actually do love and want me, like selfies. So, while Grindr is discussed as a place where anyone who might be considered a man can find men to have sex with, who are (mostly) looking to have sex with men, this isn’t how my experience has played out.Īnd while there is certainly nothing stopping me from staying on Grindr, when I get no conversation or dates, it ultimately only takes up space on my phone. Most Grindr users have a predetermined body type they are attracted to – a thin one. This gives me reason to believe that the same is true for other Grindr users. The only times I’ve been approached on Grindr have been by people who come to the app knowing they’re attracted to my body type. While it’s true that anyone with any body type can sign up for Grindr, not all body types have the same experiences on Grindr.Īs a fat person, I have rarely received any messages on Grindr, and people frequently don’t respond to my messages. It’s assumed to be a space where everyone has a “type” and all “types” are represented. The way that Grindr has become talked about seems to assume that everyone is welcomed.
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I chose the language “MSM,” short for “men who have sex with men,” to acknowledge that not all men who use Grindr to sleep with men identify on some spectrum of gay, bisexual, or queer.
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It Assumes That Grindr Is Welcoming to All MSM Not honoring the diversity of experience that comes with diversity of bodies, and expecting us all to relate to the thin experience, upholds body fascism in these ways. These conversations also seem to imply that all men seeking men use sex apps – a fantasy that is quickly dissolved when thinking about asexual homoromantic men, queer men in monogamous relationships, and queer men who simply don’t enjoy casual sex.īut there is also a difference between the reality of what happens on Grindr and the ways it’s discussed to present what is assumed to be a shared experience.īut when this assumption is based on the experience of people with thin (and other) privileges, it erases the experiences of others.īy not acknowledging this, it’s upholding the thin privileged experience as the expected standard. Meaning: They present their experiences in a way that assumes that everyone uses Grindr, or has the same access on Grindr as them, while at the same time erasing the ways in which their body is privileged in such a way that allows them to have positive experiences on Grindr.īut these conversations can become complicated because they run the risk of erasure.Įven as I write this, I can think of a handful of people I know who seem to use Grindr with their desired results who don’t fit the above description – particularly trans feminine people, and those who go to Grindr to specifically seek out meeting trans feminine people. Toyota Corona has written a brilliant article addressing her positive experiences on Grindr as a fat femme trans woman, and the diversity of desires that are present there. People with normative, culturally valued bodies (that is, thin or muscular, white or light-skinned, hairless or appropriately hairy, cis, masculine, non-disabled, and so on) use Grindr as a way to seek out sex, friendship, and other relationships, and present their experiences on Grindr as if they are universal. Not only do they inevitably bring up Grindr, but they talk about it in a way that assumes I can relate to their experiences. Usually, as allosexual and sex-positive adults, sex almost inevitably comes up in conversation and – given that these people are almost always thin people who exclusively enjoy sex with other thin people (though they wouldn’t probably think of themselves that way, or admit it) – they inevitably bring up Grindr.
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Sometimes, I also befriend men, or other queer people, who enjoy and seek out sex with men. I’m a queer, fat person who enjoys and seeks out sex with men, usually men who think of me as a man (and I don’t correct them). Two people hugging while staring at each other just before they kiss